Carol's Site - Love/Hate Relationships - Eckhart Tolle

Love/Hate Relationships

By Eckhart Tolle

The reason why the romantic special love relationship is such an intense and universally sought-after experience is that it seems to offer liberation from a deep-seated state of fear, need, lack and incompleteness that is part of the human ego condition in its unredeemed and unenlightened state. There is a physical as well as a psychological dimension to this state.

Physical

On the physical level, you are obviously not whole, nor will you ever be: You are either a man or a woman, which is to say, one-half of the whole. On this level, the longing for wholeness, the return to oneness, manifests as male-female attraction, man's need for a woman, woman's need for a man. It is an almost irresistible urge for union with the opposite energy polarity. The root of this physical urge is a spiritual one: the longing for an end to duality, a return to the state of wholeness.

Sexual union is the closest you can get to this state on the physical level. This is why it is the most deeply satisfying experience that the physical realm can offer. But sexual union is no more than a fleeting glimpse of wholeness, an instant of bliss. As long as it is unconsciously sought as a means of salvation, you are seeking the end of duality on the level of form, where it cannot be found. You are given a tantalThe reason why the romantic special love relationship is such an intense and universally sought-after experience is that it seems to offer liberation from a deep-seated state of fear, need, lack and incompleteness that is part of the human ego condition in its unredeemed and unenlightened state. There is a physical as well as a psychological dimension to this state.izing glimpse of heaven, but you are not allowed to dwell there, and find yourself again in a separate body.

Psychological

On the psychological level, the sense of lack and incompleteness is, if anything, even greater than on the physical level.?As long as you are identified with the ego mind, you have an?externally?derived sense of self. That is to say, you get your sense of?who you are?from things that ultimately have nothing to do with who you are:

• your social role,
• possessions,
• external appearance,
• successes,
• failures,
• belief systems, and so on.

Any thoughts or comments?

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This excerpt is basic stuff, but I like his use of the words, "special love relationship," which seems to be what most people crave, but "special" in this sense is a negative related to getting something for giving something which is how the ego merchandises itself.... believing that it is not whole. I like that funny photo. The video question put to him, "Why is love not reciprocated" is a good one. He is always eloquent. It occurs to me that the "lack" he is describing - which the ego believes is real - is applicable to every relationship it forms.... not just romantic love... so the "lack" of emotional reassurance is all that the ego is craving and all our defensiveness grows out of the attempt to "get it."

saavaka wrote on May 22, edited on May 22The Buddha adds the idea that it is our very attending to our own masculinity / femininity, that causes us to be attracted to, and thus ensnared by the femininity / masculinity, in others. It's like we set a trap for ourselves, which we then proceed to fall into.

As always, he is "right on" Wholeness is found within not in an another, and I agree, that holds for all relationships. Tolle is a fellow citizen of Vancouver, and a friend of mine knows him quite well. ( Useless information for all readers :) I do enjoy his books. Thanks Carrie.

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